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She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:12
Do you remember the days of your courtship? When you went out of your way to do nice things for the guy you were dating? It wasn’t hard to spend hours on the phone hearing all about his day or making him cookies or helping him with a project. During those days we would gladly watch shows or sporting events with our man, not because we loved those shows but because we loved the man we were with.
Fast forward a few years, the wedding has come and gone, a few children may have entered into the family. Now things like, the direction the toilet paper faces, how a tube of toothpaste is squeezed, clothes next to the hamper or overflowing trash can become points of contention. We resent having to iron his shirts or feel frustrated that he has to eat three times a day.
According to Proverbs 31 we are called to do our husbands good and not harm (or evil). It doesn’t stop there, we are also called to do good all the days of our lives. We are to never stop, never take a break, never come up with excuses as to why we can’t do good towards the man we are married to.
Why is it hard for us to sometimes show kindness to our spouse? The very person we should love most after God. The person who should be our best friend and closest confidant. Why do we do things that sabotage the most important earthly relationship we have?
I don’t know about you but there are days where I wake up grumpy! It is easy on these days to ignore the command to do good to those whom God has placed in our path. It is much easier to give into our sinful nature and turn into a snippy, complaining nag. Paul understood this when he wrote “For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” (Romans 7:19)
We must fight against the desire to speak unkindly or roll our eyes when asked to do something. This fight always includes prayer. God hears us. Tell him exactly how you are feeling and ask for help.
What good are we to do?
Angela has a great list of dos and don’ts in her post here. Let me add a few more.
- be interested in his interests
- share what is yours
- make time for him
- encourage him spiritually
- listen with care when he talks about his day, work and struggles
- make sure he has a wife who is spiritually strong
- pray for him
Why should we do good?
1. God told us to
We are called by God to do good to others. We see it here in Proverbs 31 but you can find verses throughout scripture that encourage us in doing good. (1 Peter 3:11; 1 Tim. 6:18; 2 Thess. 3:13)
2. It honors our Husbands
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.
Proverbs 3:27
Your husband is the head of the home and one way we honor him is by doing good towards him.
3. It gives a marriage strength
Kindness, love and doing good to your spouse brings you closer together. It can create a bond of friendship as well as deepen your love for each other.
4. It promotes trust
When a wife does good things for her husband and for their marriage he will be confident in her faithfulness towards him, he will trust the words that come from her mouth and he will be much more likely to take her advice into consideration.
An excellent wife is not only a woman who exhibits godly character qualities, she is also a woman who does her husband good all the days of her life. This is why she is so rare. Let’s commit, with the help of our savior, to become this rare kind of woman.
Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.
Hebrews 13:16
Looking To Jesus,
My parents divorced 2 months prior to their 30th wedding anniversary. They have been divorced for about 10 years now. I recently borrowed my moms Bible and next to the verse, “she does him good and not harm all the days of her life” was my dads name-dated after their divorce. Thanks for sharing such practical advise on marriage. I’m looking forward to my own 30 year anniversary with much hope. Stacy Buck http://WWW.inthetrenches.com
Ahhh loved what you added to the list today, Jen!!! Always love reading your posts and hearing your perspective! I am soo thankful for you!!!
Love God Greatly!
Ohhhh Stacy…..I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing your personal story with us today…really brings the verse to life.
PS: Saw your blog!!! Woohoo! So excited for you, sweet friend!!
You’re on your way, girl! Go get’em!!!! 
Love God Greatly!
-Angela
Thank you Ladies so much for this series.. Since I have been reading Proverbs 31 with yall I have been more aware of my feelings towards my husband and family.. I have learn so much in this small time I can just imagine what else GOD has in store for me with the series.. God Bless yall have a awesome weekend~olga
Jen these questions that you listed REALLY spoke to me this morning: Why is it hard for us to sometimes show kindness to our spouse? The very person we should love most after God. The person who should be our best friend and closest confidant. Why do we do things that sabotage the most important earthly relationship we have?
I have been married almost 12 years and I can tell you its hard for me sometimes to show kindness, be loving, want to be the woman that my husband needs because our husbands are the ones that can hurt us the MOST. If anyone can give us the training WE need to love those that do NOT deserve it, it is our husbands/children. I can now look pass my feelings getting hurt and know that God is training me through them for something BIG, the thing is a FAIL alot!!! I am glad God has patience to show me over time until I get it
Thank you for such an excellent post on being good to our husband. I would like to share/link it on my blog…giving credit of course.
Stacey, I am so sorry. Maybe your mom didn’t want things to go the way they did. Sometimes children have difficulty seeing into the heart of their mom because they don’t understand all that goes on. I am not agreeing with divorce, just love your mom.
I have been married for 33 (imperfect) years and I am very thankful for each moment. My parents will have their 68th anniversary this summer.
Doing this study has made me see how much of a Proverbs 31 woman I am not and I thought I was a pretty good wife! Well, God has SO much to teach me and opportunities arise all the time to apply. I am not learning my lessons as quickly as I thought I would, but I am so aware of what I do that when I do something I’m really thinking! I even asked my husband what I do that respects him and I loved his answers. I hope to grow into a Proverbs 31 woman in my life and so glad I’m starting to realize all that God has planned for me!