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I LOVE this guest post today from my dear friend, Joy, who blogs at Grace Full Mama. I adore her heart and I know you will too! I pray this post touches your heart like it did mine!!!
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A Kind Wife
About a year ago I sent my husband a list of things that I thought that he might like to see me do around the house. I asked him to put the list according to priority, from greatest to least.
Here is the exact list that I sent to him:
- clean, ironed laundry
- yummy meals including lunches
- fresh, homemade bread for your sandwiches
- keeping up with emails
- thank you notes
- outreach in the community
- hospitality/ having people over
- making sure there are cookies or something yummy for you when you get home (including tea)
- a clean, picked up house
And, this was his exact response:
“Thanks, but I would rather have you put aside anything/everything you have to do in order to start each day with the assumption that I LOVE YOU, and therefore anything I do or say is given the benefit of the doubt that I LOVE YOU.
Get enough rest and say no to enough activities so that you have the energy to be NICE TO ME (and the kids) when I’m home.
Honestly, I appreciate the rest of it, but don’t really care that much if it comes at the expense of the first two things up at the top of the list. Maybe you think that I think you’re a bad wife or mom if you don’t do this stuff. If so, that is wrong. I would much rather have a messy house, make my own lunches from white, store-bought bread, have no snacks, etc. etc., but have a nice, happy wife who likes me, than the other way around.
So, to sum it all up, showing me you love me has more to do with WHO you are than what you do! It’s my best friend I fell in love with and want to hang out with, not my maid!”
You see, I was so busy doing things for my husband, trying to be the perfect wife, that I was getting it all wrong. I was so tired and stressed that I was snappy, unkind, and impatient. And the only thing my dear husband wanted was a girlfriend! Am I saying that it’s wrong to do things for your husband or family? Of course not! But I am saying to think about keeping being kind as the TOP priority.
I have learned my lesson. I have stepped back in many areas in my life in order to have margin and rest, so that I am not over-stressed and my husband {mostly} has a kind, gentle, loving wife.
How about you? Do you struggle with the stress of getting everything done? Can I challenge you to put aside some things that might be good in order that you might be able to ensure that you are a kind, fun, loving wife?
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Joy Forney
Joy is the wife to a missionary pilot and they, along with their five kids, live in Indonesia. Joy is a proud wife, blessed mommy, Diet Coke fanatic, runner, homeschooler, reader, thinker, home-maker, lover of nature, and most of all, an undeserving recipient of amazing grace, and grateful daughter of God. Joy’s heart is to encourage women to revel in their job as mommy and wife, and to see it as good and needed work. She shares her heart and life of being a mom with readers at her site, Grace Full Mama.
Oh man, is this ever true.
I appreciate so much the transparency, the willingness to be honest and very specific about our callings… thank you.
What a great post! I’m afraid that I see some areas in my approach that I need to work on. Just yesterday I was tired, frazzled and irritable when my husband and daughter came home from work because I HAD to make cupcakes and cinnamon buns from scratch! They got in and I was still rushing around the kitchen like the Mad Hatter, barely greeted them and felt annoyed because they’d messed up my clean table with the stuff they brought home. I need to stop focusing on acts of service which I interpret as showing them love and just being there for them and SHOWING them love.
Thank you so much for this encouragement. God bless!
Wow. I woke up this morning after having a (rare) argument with my hubby last night and going to be angry. This literally spoke right to me. Thank you for sharing as I’m sure it very closely relates to so many wives and moms. We try so hard to serve and do everything – that we lack in the one area our husbands REALLY care about – kind, loving attitudes. (hug) PS. Your family is BEAUTIFUL! Cassandra @ The Unplugged Family
it impressed me..thank you for sharing. I’m Indonesian and our culture taught us to put our husband in the first priority, but when a kind husband apreciate it, he will also put his wife for his first priority.
Excellent points! Love this post!
Thank you SO much for this post! I am that wife who gets over stressed trying to prove her love by trying to do it all. I tend to be short with everyone around me because of it. I do accept this challenge!
Thank you so much for this post. Exactly what I needed to hear. What a great reminder of prioritizing! It’s ok to say no to even the “good” things we do. Thanks again!
Thank you for this post! I am having chronic migraines & this speaks to my situation. Lots to think about.
“Be nice to me” was my husband’s request too. I thought I was! But he was like your husband, just wanting things to be good between him and me all the time–the rest will all work out.
Thanks for the perspective. What a great response from your husband! I needed that reminder. God Bless you! Michelle
Thanks for the perspective. I appreciate it. What a neat response from your man! God Bless!
Wow. I needed that more than you will ever know.
Love it and needed to read this today! I love everything Joy writes, she has a fruitful ministry. Praising God for her!